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Archive for December, 2009

So I baked.  It was hot and tiring.  But it had to be done.  There will be more baking tomorrow morning too.

The cookies are Dark Chocolate and Ginger – I got the recipe from a cook book by Leila Lindholm called A Piece Of Cake. I don’t really like them, I’m not a fan of the ginger.  They are a present, I’m sure the recipient will like them because they are ginger fans.

You can see my Christmas Stick in the top left hand corner of the mosaic.  My man-friend said we didn’t need a Christmas tree, but the five year old inside me just could not bare to have a Christmas without one.

So I set out to find the perfect stick.  Which I did.  I then painted it a very pale blue.

I did however purchase the terracotta pot.  It wasn’t expensive.  I painted it red and put a pretty silver bow around it.

The turquoise coloured play dough which holds the Stick in place doesn’t have enough salt and bacteria killing things in it.  It is going smelly and mouldy.  I didn’t have all the ingredients for long lasting play dough 😦   But it only smells if you poke it.  So there is a no touching rule.

Handmade decorations.

Tired.

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In our lives we require bathrooms because in our society we don’t pee wherever we feel like, well then again some of us do.

Filthy dirty women out there I’m talking to you.  By using the terms filthy, dirty and women, I am not discriminating anyone here at all.  Whether you be a lawyer, a housewife, a cashier, a public servant, a baker or even unemployed I mean you.  All of you.  All of you who are female.

Now girls, women (not ladies, none of you deserve that title) here are some hints that you can follow to improve MY public bathroom experience.

  • I don’t care how you approach the toilet (whether you sit on the seat, squat upon the seat, or hover above the seat) if you get your bodily fluids anywhere but in the receptacle provided (for the dummies I mean the toilet) – PLEASE WIPE THAT SPILLAGE UP BEFORE YOU LEAVE THE CUBICLE YOU CREATURE!  I’m sorry but more people than just you need to use the facilities, you aren’t an animal you don’t need to mark your territory.
  • When flushing – stand there, watch your flush.  Make sure any evidence of your existence is washed thoroughly through the S bend.  None of us want to see it.
  • Finger painting – This shouldn’t even need to be mentioned, most of us who use public toilets are grown ups and those of us who aren’t should be supervised.  I only mentioned this because the bathroom at my work is employee only, to be employed you have to be over 15 or something right?  It’s just interesting to think, someone I work with is this foul.
    • Special note to parents – When taking your kid to a public restroom and your little darling does finger-paint with his/her faecal matter, personally I think it is your responsibility to clean that SHIT up.  Why the heck should any other human being have to clean up that. Teach your kid it’s wrong. 
  • Feminine Hygiene Products – I don’t care how you were raised at home, but I wrap mine up and put them in the sanitary bins that are provided in public restrooms by Hygiene Product Disposal Companies.  Nobody sees them, I don’t leave mine lying on the floor.  I don’t drop mine on the floor next to the bin.  Nor do I write my name on the wall whilst using one like a dirty blood coloured crayon.  NOBODY ELSE ON THIS PLANET SHOULD SEE YOUR GRUBBY USED HYGIENE PRODUCTS, NOR WOULD THEY WANT TOO!!! (For the dummies Hygiene Products = Pads, Tampons etc..)
  • The toilet seat – When you finish, there should be no evidence you were ever there.  No crumbs, no stray pubic hair, no spillage, no anything.  Just a clean seat for the next person.

In conclusion, if I came to your house and did any of this filth in your personal bathroom, would you be happy?  I think not.  Just because public restrooms are cleaned by a paid employee, does not mean you have the privilege of acting like some kind of urine splashing, shit hurling cretin.  Leave behind no evidence, not even footprints.  Flush.

And for heavens sake…

 

WASH YOUR HANDS!!!

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Retail Employee Hell

Thoughts On Grocery Shopping

5 days till Christmas, chained to a cash register at one of the bigger supermarket chains in the country is enough to make anyone’s Christmas spirit wither and die.

You, with the iPod – While I’m serving you, please be considerate enough to pull your posh douche bag ear buds out of your ears and listen to me, so I can finish the damn transaction and serve the next butt face inline.

You, on the phone – Go back to the end of the queue, your too wrapped up in your own self-importance for me to give a shit about right now.

You, telling me how to do my job – If you can do it better, please be kind enough to serve yourself at the self-serve checkout.  Don’t come near me and get me involved in your bullshit life especially if you think you can do it better yourself.

You, with the Enviro bags – You know it doesn’t count if I put all your shopping in individual PLASTIC bags and then you put all of those bags into your enviro bag.

You, Mr Impatient – Shut the hell up you jerk, you had all year to get that crap.  5 days before Christmas I don’t think you have the right to pull ‘THE FACE’ at the customer in front especially when you are here for the same reason.

Everyone else – You know what you do and how lame you are.

Here are some tips you might want to hold onto for next year:

  • Soft Drinks and Junk Food generally have a VERY LONG SHELF LIFE, you can buy these for Christmas any time between January 2010 and November 2010.  Just make sure when you do buy them that they will still be valid for consumption for Christmas.
  • Fruit and Vegetables if stored correctly can last more than a day.  I suggest planning ahead.  Get them the week before Christmas day.  I really don’t know anyone who hasn’t got a refrigerator, put it to use.
  • Meat – same as above.  You can refrigerate and freeze this crap and it’s still good!! But I can understand if you do want to buy this last-minute.  Just time your shopping experience – avoid the lunch time rush and the dinner time rush.
  • Seafood – last minute too I suppose unless you’re getting frozen crap.

So if I see you coming through my check out with the surly jerk face and your trolley is full of crap you could have bought in September don’t complain if I’m not happy or enthusiastic about your ‘Me, Me, Me douche bag attitude.’  I don’t care about you or how much of a hurry you are in.

If your trolley has milk and fresh fruit and vegetables, fresh meat and eggs and the like, good for you.  Have a nice day and a very Merry Christmas.

Thoughts On Presents

Same as long life groceries morons.  Start your shopping MID YEAR!!!  You know who you have to get presents for.  Hell, the sooner you start the less stress and crazy queues you will have to deal with in December.

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I only have 2 more presents to acquire.  They should be easy…  NOT!

I AM PRETTY FREAKING EXCITED.  Christmas is only 6 sleeps away.  I don’t even know why I’m so excited.  I’m 23.  Santa does not come to me, there are no surprises.  I don’t even have kids to play surprises with.

I have a ‘god’child, am I supposed to get it a present?  I’m glad at the christening ceremony I never actually promised to help the child on his path to God and glory, I kept silent and smiled and secretly promised to encourage more worthwhile pursuits.  Like reading and smart stuff that matters.  Stuff that actually counts.

He is TWO years old now.  Far Out!

Is it absurd that I considered a pressie for this little dear?

The ‘Manfriend’ on the other hand is having a pre-Christmas meltdown, I think he’s a little stuck on the ideal childhood Christmas, the one where you go on the holiday and everyone is in one place and it’s all just awesome because there are a billion cousins to run riot with and the likes.  He’s a little devastated that he has to drive from one family to the next.

He’s talking about evacuating for next Christmas.

Insert pictures for filler.  😉

[FLOWERS ON A TABLE]

[FLOWERS MAKING FRIENDS]

[TREE FINN]

[HAPPIEST FLOWERS IN THE WORLD]

[PRETTY FLOWER]

[MR BLUE TONGUE]

[I DON’T THINK HE WANTED TO BE FRIENDS WITH FINN]

Is now tired of listening to man’s Christmas hating and is feeling the negativity rubbing off onto myself.  Way to kill the cheer!

Even pretty photo’s can’t fix it now 😦

Stupid Stupidness.

Fat people!  Be warned, I will be manning the checkouts.  I’ll know what you’re buying this week, to eat yourself to death.  You fat, fat heads!  Christmas doesn’t mean you can work on your diabetes or your death from over consumption. 

As of tomorrow I will be officially disgusted, with the trolley loads of crapola people will be no doubt buying. 

Hey idiots, the shops are only shut FOR ONE FREAKING DAY!!!!

Over IT!

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Google Verb Meme Thing

Elise NEEDS to grow up – that’s true

Elise LOOKS like a banana from the side – I know I don’t particularly like my profile but it does not look like a banana.

Elise SAYS if you don’t like me deal with it! – But why don’t you like me?

Elise DOES  not know exactly what she wants to do when she grows up. – Geez, now isn’t that the million dollar statement.

Elise WANTS to make soundtracks for the movies. – That kind of negates the previous statement

Elise HATES grocery shopping. – Does anyone actually like it?

Elise ASKS Sonic if he plans on leaving Soleanna once he defeats Eggman. – Sonic did not reply!!

Elise LIKES to see them and pets them saying "baby". – The internet has clearly been watching.

Elise EATS incognito. – Like putting sugar in my tea when no one is looking?

Elise WEARS doll wig. – No it’s my very own unhealthy hair.

Elise WAS ARRESSTED FOR assaulting an office after she tried to beat one of the spook unit guys with a garden hoe. – Not quite.

Elise LOVES her sling! – If I had one like Ayla’s I’m sure I’d love it.

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