Thoughts On Grocery Shopping
5 days till Christmas, chained to a cash register at one of the bigger supermarket chains in the country is enough to make anyone’s Christmas spirit wither and die.
You, with the iPod – While I’m serving you, please be considerate enough to pull your posh douche bag ear buds out of your ears and listen to me, so I can finish the damn transaction and serve the next butt face inline.
You, on the phone – Go back to the end of the queue, your too wrapped up in your own self-importance for me to give a shit about right now.
You, telling me how to do my job – If you can do it better, please be kind enough to serve yourself at the self-serve checkout. Don’t come near me and get me involved in your bullshit life especially if you think you can do it better yourself.
You, with the Enviro bags – You know it doesn’t count if I put all your shopping in individual PLASTIC bags and then you put all of those bags into your enviro bag.
You, Mr Impatient – Shut the hell up you jerk, you had all year to get that crap. 5 days before Christmas I don’t think you have the right to pull ‘THE FACE’ at the customer in front especially when you are here for the same reason.
Everyone else – You know what you do and how lame you are.
Here are some tips you might want to hold onto for next year:
- Soft Drinks and Junk Food generally have a VERY LONG SHELF LIFE, you can buy these for Christmas any time between January 2010 and November 2010. Just make sure when you do buy them that they will still be valid for consumption for Christmas.
- Fruit and Vegetables if stored correctly can last more than a day. I suggest planning ahead. Get them the week before Christmas day. I really don’t know anyone who hasn’t got a refrigerator, put it to use.
- Meat – same as above. You can refrigerate and freeze this crap and it’s still good!! But I can understand if you do want to buy this last-minute. Just time your shopping experience – avoid the lunch time rush and the dinner time rush.
- Seafood – last minute too I suppose unless you’re getting frozen crap.
So if I see you coming through my check out with the surly jerk face and your trolley is full of crap you could have bought in September don’t complain if I’m not happy or enthusiastic about your ‘Me, Me, Me douche bag attitude.’ I don’t care about you or how much of a hurry you are in.
If your trolley has milk and fresh fruit and vegetables, fresh meat and eggs and the like, good for you. Have a nice day and a very Merry Christmas.
Thoughts On Presents
Same as long life groceries morons. Start your shopping MID YEAR!!! You know who you have to get presents for. Hell, the sooner you start the less stress and crazy queues you will have to deal with in December.
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