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I was thinking.  (Somewhere someone who actually knows me, has just read that and laughed so hard a little bit of wee came out)

In all seriousness, now that I’ve a had a little bit of time to mature since high school.  I’m studying my butt off in some TAFE course to try and get into Uni as a mature age student – what do I actually want to go to Uni for.

At the beginning of the year when I made the decision to return to study, the goal was to be a primary school teacher.  I don’t know if that’s what I want to be.  I then decided maybe I could do a BA in English Literature, but what on earth would I do with that?  I’d most likely end up some cranky batty high school English teacher dealing with kids who hate me every day.

I still want to do the English Literature and maybe some language and linguistics too, mainly because that stuff is interesting to me.  I’d be expected to build a career from this wouldn’t I?  I LOATHE the word career.  It never sounds ENJOYABLE.

I’m not very career focused.  I do not dream of having a fabulous career.  I never have.  Why.  So.  Much.  Pressure? 

I suppose it would mean not being a checkout operator for ever, which is ridiculously unrewarding.  I’m pointing fingers at RUDE people here.  Don’t get me going, there is always an almost explosive rant building on that topic.

I remember the fantasy bookshop (like Meg Ryan’s in You’ve Got Mail)/coffee shop dream job from when I was 13.  Except in this fantasy I was also an awesome author/poet and all the cool people hung out in my book/coffee shop.  It was the trendiest place to be.  But really a little bookshop like that has no chance with massive chain stores around.

[Off topic for a second.  For example all the GREAT music stores in Wollongong are eventually going to close down since JB HIFI moved in, with their super bargain awesomeness.  This makes me sad, because I would go to JB HiFi like most people because their prices are freakin’ low.  How can awesome little guys compete with that?]

I really though I was past this ‘What do I really want to do’ BS.  This internal mental dilemma was so I HATE BEING A 16 YEAR OLD, shouldn’t I be different now at 24.  Aren’t I supposed to want to follow through with a crazy idea for once? 

Maybe I could do the Uni thing and be an editor.  Maybe I could work from home.  In my tracksuit pants and Ugg boots.  Take breaks when I feel like it.  Sit outside on my deck and work in the sun.  Does this job exist?  Can I invent this? 

Does anyone else have the brain implosions?  Because my brain goes through the I will I won’t I can do this I can’t do this BS on a regular basis.  It makes things ridiculously hard to stay motivated.  It makes me want to sleep in forever.  It makes me want to loll about in pyjamas and escape in fiction until the end of time.  Which of course would be so much easier.  Which brings to mind The Scientist by Coldplay lyrics…

Nobody said it was easy,
No one ever said it would be this hard
Oh, take me back to the start

Oh Just listen to it.  I love this song.  It’s so freakin’ unbelievably melancholy.

You’re probably feeling depressed after that one.  I know I am – but I’m a fan of the Epic Wallow sometimes. 

Now to cheer you up I suggest the following.  I think Darwin Deez is abso-frikkin-lutely adorable in a Napolean Dynamite way.

See you on the other side.  Excuse my while I continue thinking.

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I think it is time for a new blog, I’ve been pretty inactive all week on this thing they call the internet.  I contemplated what to blog about on the bus trip home this afternoon whilst doing so I also checked what was happening on Twitter.  It seems I have been tagged in a blog game.  My first tag for anything ever.  I got a little bit excited.

I was tagged by Alaena Helt, you can see her lovely blog if you click right here.

The Tag game goes as follows:  Go to the 8th folder in which you store your photo’s (I know 8 sucks, it should have been 7) and then select the 8th photo (even if it’s a photo of you that is thoroughly FOUL and you’d rather kill yourself than post it) then with said photo post it to your blog and tell the story behind it. [Disclaimer: (AKA THE FINE PRINT) after following the above instructions, you are ‘supposed’ to tag 8 other bloggers.  MUAHAHAHA evil isn’t it?]

So the story goes… After New Years my boyfriend and I went on a road-trip to visit family and friends at numerous stops along the way round.  After a few nights at my Aunt and Uncles in Sawtell NSW, we decided to drive out to Tamworth NSW where they hold the Australian Country Music Awards to visit my Grandfather and my other Aunt and Uncle.  The above photo was taken at Captain Thunderbolts lookout just outside a little town called Uralla (he was an Australian Bushranger, if you want to know more I’m sure you can Google it).  As you can see, I’m the tiny little person sitting in front of the MASSIVE cluster of MASSIVE rocks.

The people I tagged are:

The Mermaid

Meet Me At Mikes

Interference In Private Matters

Weddings By Brooklyn

A Nerdfighter’s Blog from the Ning

Nerdfighters Blogstyle – A Collaborative blog by Nerdfighters

Books and Quills

John Green – Hahaha, like he even has the time to play.

Apart from that, this week has been pretty epic on the study scale.  Assignments and testing all over the place.  Statistics things here there and everywhere – Major Reports Due and not so major in class assessments.  I just got given my major assignment for Human Rights, this one I’m a awfully excited about – I think I could even get really passionately enthusiastic about my topic.  I’m choosing to do human rights abuses resulting directly from conflict diamonds.  Yeah, that’s what I said.

The May reading is coming along nicely.  So far I have read:

Suite Scarlett Will Grayson, Will Grayson

Suite Scarlett by Maureen Johnson was an absolutely lovely book to read about a young girl and her family who live in an old hotel in New York.  The characters were realistic and witty and the book was thoroughly enjoyable.

Will Grayson, Will Grayson is a collaborative effort by John Green and David Levithan.  Each author writing from the perspective of a different character.  I think this book was brilliant, especially the way it explored both platonic and romantic relationships among young males.

Seven Awesome Things

1. While on the bus, noticing the way the suns hides behind the mountain giving everything an ethereal golden kissed edge in the afternoon.

2. My art is going on the front cover of a publication.

3. This one is not necessarily awesome but it made me laugh and think about the poor little girl.  A not so ladylike lady yelling ‘if you keeping stomping like that I’m gonna flogyourarse’ at her child whilst exiting MacDonald’s. Poor child will probably have an alcohol dependency and be a chronic smoker by 12.

4. Escaping in fiction.

5. Donating money every month to Amnesty International.  It makes you feel all good.

6. Harry Potter, Harry Potter, Harry Potter lyrics from a terribly AWESOME song from Wizard rockers (WROCKERS) Harry and The Potters. (you can Google them too, lazy)

7. Having a hot shower when it’s freezing cold.

So people – I’ll write when I write.

Ciao!

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