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Archive for the ‘coldplay’ Category

I was thinking.  (Somewhere someone who actually knows me, has just read that and laughed so hard a little bit of wee came out)

In all seriousness, now that I’ve a had a little bit of time to mature since high school.  I’m studying my butt off in some TAFE course to try and get into Uni as a mature age student – what do I actually want to go to Uni for.

At the beginning of the year when I made the decision to return to study, the goal was to be a primary school teacher.  I don’t know if that’s what I want to be.  I then decided maybe I could do a BA in English Literature, but what on earth would I do with that?  I’d most likely end up some cranky batty high school English teacher dealing with kids who hate me every day.

I still want to do the English Literature and maybe some language and linguistics too, mainly because that stuff is interesting to me.  I’d be expected to build a career from this wouldn’t I?  I LOATHE the word career.  It never sounds ENJOYABLE.

I’m not very career focused.  I do not dream of having a fabulous career.  I never have.  Why.  So.  Much.  Pressure? 

I suppose it would mean not being a checkout operator for ever, which is ridiculously unrewarding.  I’m pointing fingers at RUDE people here.  Don’t get me going, there is always an almost explosive rant building on that topic.

I remember the fantasy bookshop (like Meg Ryan’s in You’ve Got Mail)/coffee shop dream job from when I was 13.  Except in this fantasy I was also an awesome author/poet and all the cool people hung out in my book/coffee shop.  It was the trendiest place to be.  But really a little bookshop like that has no chance with massive chain stores around.

[Off topic for a second.  For example all the GREAT music stores in Wollongong are eventually going to close down since JB HIFI moved in, with their super bargain awesomeness.  This makes me sad, because I would go to JB HiFi like most people because their prices are freakin’ low.  How can awesome little guys compete with that?]

I really though I was past this ‘What do I really want to do’ BS.  This internal mental dilemma was so I HATE BEING A 16 YEAR OLD, shouldn’t I be different now at 24.  Aren’t I supposed to want to follow through with a crazy idea for once? 

Maybe I could do the Uni thing and be an editor.  Maybe I could work from home.  In my tracksuit pants and Ugg boots.  Take breaks when I feel like it.  Sit outside on my deck and work in the sun.  Does this job exist?  Can I invent this? 

Does anyone else have the brain implosions?  Because my brain goes through the I will I won’t I can do this I can’t do this BS on a regular basis.  It makes things ridiculously hard to stay motivated.  It makes me want to sleep in forever.  It makes me want to loll about in pyjamas and escape in fiction until the end of time.  Which of course would be so much easier.  Which brings to mind The Scientist by Coldplay lyrics…

Nobody said it was easy,
No one ever said it would be this hard
Oh, take me back to the start

Oh Just listen to it.  I love this song.  It’s so freakin’ unbelievably melancholy.

You’re probably feeling depressed after that one.  I know I am – but I’m a fan of the Epic Wallow sometimes. 

Now to cheer you up I suggest the following.  I think Darwin Deez is abso-frikkin-lutely adorable in a Napolean Dynamite way.

See you on the other side.  Excuse my while I continue thinking.

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